old and alone

i feel so alone. now more than ever. i don’t know if it’s because of my age – maybe a quarter life crisis? or the fact that i have my period right now. yes, blame it all on the period.

at this moment in time, the things i crave are so much more pronounced than in the past. i crave relationships, i crave experience and travel.  my friends that i hang out with everyday and the things i do, just do not help me to fill those gaps. i blame them for not being adventurous, for being lazy, and in my opinion, ‘dead’. but who am i to do that? should i not be content with my life? with who i am?

i don’t know how to make more friends. i guess the only thing left to do is to widen my social circle but i’m not a social butterfly. i think the only way to really have fun is to go for an exchange, because usually when people don’t do that, that’s their biggest regret. but i don’t have the circumstances to do that. i don’t have the money. money is always a big issue and a very important one. if i don’t have money, i cannot do anything.

i feel old and alone and fat. i don’t have that many friends. i don’t have people to talk to about my feelings and troubles so all i feel now is that i am by myself. cold and lonely and unwanted. and i see my life slipping past so, terribly quickly. its frightening. i’m really scared.


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