I had plenty of time to think on the train back today.
I feel so alienated from my peers who are studying in the same course as me because our interests are vastly different. I was also thinking how hard it is to juggle both my degree with my external social life since I have little interest in the courses that I take. I used to have a little bit of interest, but now I don’t so much. Maybe I could force myself to cultivate interest again?
I just don’t get it. I feel displaced, that I don’t belong in this. Where do I belong in then?
I feel like I don’t understand anything! Why is that? Is this the right course for me? Why is everyone so into this, but I am not? What was I meant to do?
And I kind of feel that people get really condescending when I don’t understand stuff. It’s so shitty. I feel so unwanted.
If I had all the money and time in the world, I’d go do things I really want to do, instead of spending my life trying to find alternatives.