It is always a struggle choosing the most viable option just because you have stuck with it for so long and for the sake of practicality. Those who are blessed with a large availability of resources will have the flexibility to choose the much riskier option. Unfortunately, many of us are not, and are forced to conform to societal expectations. There is too much pressure to make the ‘right choice’, although that might not be the best one.

What happens to the people who fall through the cracks?

I recognise my love for writing and travel. I recognise my love for many things. My degree is but a safe cushion for me to fall back on. Although it might not be that safe because I am frankly quite uncertain on what I am going to do with it. I am fearful that these 4 years have been a waste, but I hope it will not be.

If I deviate into another industry, what are the options available? I do not want to spend my entire life wondering if what I am doing will maximize my experience in this world and whether I should be doing it.

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Do you dare to eat alone?

Eating Alone

I stride into the canteen with purpose, as if I am ready to meet a Friend, as if I know exactly what I am going to order. I keep my head high, but I am only looking at stalls, not people.

I walk quickly. My eyes do not stray as I head right for the food stall that sells waffles . The aunty at the stall smiles at me, “yes?”. I order waffles with maple syrup and not a meal because I might look lonely if I eat it by myself.

Besides, it will take too much time. I do not want to spend too much time here eating.

But maybe if I had lunch buddies I would.

I buy waffles with maple syrup and three pieces of seaweed chicken.

Maybe I can eat this on the way back to the library. I could consume it so fast that no one would know that this is my lunch…that I am eating this alone.

I want to walk back but then decide at the last minute to head to the fruit juice stand to buy juice. Heck since I am already here.

It is only 1.30pm anyway. There will not be too many people who will stare.Besides, what should I be afraid of?

Eating is a social activity only when you have people to be social with.

I choose a table in the corner of the canteen, right next to a construction barrier. I am purposefully seated away from the crowd – away from the stares of people who might think I have no friends.

I am sitting alone.

Right in front of me is a girl who, too, is sitting alone. She is an exchange student. She listens to music on her iPhone as she eats. She does not look up.

I am trying to be comfortable with eating alone but I am not. I do not people watch, only glancing up every now and then to stretch my neck.

I shake my legs .

Stop it Stephanie, don’t be nervous.

I bury myself in my phone . Whatsapping, texting, googling, writing this post on WordPress.

Do I dare to eat alone ? Yes. But I would much rather not.

Faint

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I am
Little bit of loneliness
A little bit of disregard
A handful of complaints
But I can’t help the fact
That everyone can see these scars

Is it so inevitable that we will all lose contact with our friends after we graduate? Even as we were to try our best to maintain a constant connection, one or more of us would eventually get tired, meetings will become more and more infrequent, and at the end of it all the only evidence of what we shared back then would only be in pictures. In 10 or 20 years as we build a family, the friends in University will no longer be a part of our lives for we will establish new ones outside of this circle.

But is it not such a waste? This friendship and all these secrets that we shared, all the bonds that had taken years to build up, would not be worth anything anymore?