I have lost count of the number of times I have welled up in tears today. This morning on Facebook I saw that one of my friends who have been in the same clique has gotten into the Dean’s List. The first emotion that hit me was jealousy. Why could she, who had the looks and the luxury to eat whatever she wanted and never got fat, who had a boyfriend and a wonderful family, who did not have to work for her allowance and the liberty to shop and buy whatever she wanted, who had her parents willing to sponsor her graduation trip for her, could add one more achievement and blessing to the list, to be the top 5 percent in the cohort for that semester.
Why not me?
The second emotion that hit me was anger. She had never talked about her results and she had always said that her results were worse than mine. It was unfair and I felt that I had been lied to for four years of my life.
Later on I discovered that getting on the Dean’s list was possible every semester as long as you fulfilled a certain amount of MCs and basically got all As. It wasn’t cumulative, so it might have been that she worked really hard last semester.
In Novena mass it was really coincidental that the priest would be talking about jealousy in terms of school results. I have always known that god would be looking out for me and he always tries to give me messages that are applicable to my life in anyway that he can.
The priest told us a story about a goat and a donkey. The goat was jealous of the donkey because he had more food. He thought that if the donkey could not work for the farmer anymore, it would receive less food. The goat pushed the donkey into a deep hole and the donkey got injured, but because the farmer wanted the donkey to get better faster, he killed the goat and have the goat’s food to the donkey.
The priest told us not to be jealous when we are making comparisons, because god created us all to be gifts. We all have purpose in us and we all are prized people in the eyes of god. There are some things we can do which others cannot, so do not feel inferior.