The next day waking up in my own bed feels so surreal. It’s like waking up from a dream that you didn’t want to end. The ache in my body reminds me of yesterday and yesterday I was in another country. When we were making the descent in the plane, I stared out into the blackness of the night sky and the lights of the city blinking at me. Then and there, I thought to myself, if this plane had crashed, I would die happy. And in some ways, I hoped it would because I would want to be forever suspended in that moment of happiness. I didn’t want to go back to the life of stress and work when I got back. I longed for the peacefulness I had felt in another country.
I guess this just means that this holiday has been the most fulfilling one I have ever had in my life. I did so many things and tried to do even more. If death had always been something I feared, and yet I thought I was going to die happy, then this trip must have really been good.
I long to go back. But I know the experience would never be the same as the first.
I’m sitting here on the verandah just staring at the moon and the stars. I want to remember this scene forever, this peacefulness. I can see the black prints on the moon, it looks like a gray ship against a round white background. There’s a single cloud floating above it. I can hear the other people talking and great acoustic music playing in the background. Everything is so beautiful here. I wish I could take a picture but I don’t have the proper equipment for it. And maybe that’s good because how can one capture a moment so profound and so mesmerizing? How is one able to capture the beauty of staring at the stars, gazing at the lake, with the sky and the sea in perfect symmetry?
I am put in this particularly reflective mood. I know I haven’t been treating everybody that great and I am sorry that this holiday is coming to an end soon. It’s been too fast. I need more time like this, sitting comfortably on a deck chair and just staring at the stars. I need more time being this tranquil.
I’d totally be happy if I were to die today.
Do not underestimate the power of a smile. Do not underestimate the power of a frown either.
I frowned today, I frowned just because I didn’t want any sort of disturbance. I was caught up in my own solitude and abhorred disturbance because I felt bad about myself. And inside I frowned. I frowned so much that it turned my smile upside down and drained my energy. I frowned because I judged people that I did not know and assumed a situation that had not happened. I frowned because I thought those guys were going to take away my happiness, not to give them out.
That’s why they didn’t approach me as they did everybody else. Because I looked so sulky.
Let this be a lesson to always smile and look happy even if I don’t feel like it. People will gravitate towards you this way, and I will be left feeling happier inside and out, positivity emanating out from my smile and lifting my mood 🙂
Ever had those moments in bed, right before sleep overtakes you, when you think about your past, your future and everything you have done in life? You wonder about the complexities of this weaving, endless string of memories and your involvement in them. You think about the fleeting happiness, the ridiculous things you did, the experiences that seemed as fresh as if it had only happened yesterday.
Yet, what is the proof that they actually did?